If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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