just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Your dad touched me again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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