Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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