you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize