Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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