My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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