Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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