I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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