rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize