My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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