he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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