you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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