I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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