We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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