my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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