Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize