I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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