Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize