First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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