I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
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