if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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