So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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