Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize