can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize