sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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