we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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