i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize