So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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