im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize