Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
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Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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