Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize