im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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