There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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