whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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