Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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