apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
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I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
foreskin is a definite game changer
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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