My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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