So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize