Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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