I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize