In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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