omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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