Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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