You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
me + whiskey = a bad person
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize