That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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