Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
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Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I love you.
Bad choice
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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