Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize