Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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