and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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