I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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